I...Am...God! And Other Proclamations

[amarissia]

That needs a little background, doesn't it?

As some of you may know, Amarissia suffers from some pretty severe anxiety problems. Like, going-out-the-front-door-is-scary anxiety problems. I've been improving lately, thanks to a great therapist and a great psychiatrist and the evil, evil pharmaceuticals that Tom Cruise would like wiped off the face of the earth. Anyway, one effect of this anxiety is that it severely limits the video games I can play. I've had Fatal Frame for years and been dying to play it through, but could never do it. All attempts would go something like this:

Me: "Okay, this is it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna stay calm, I'm gonna stay focused. See, this isn't so bad. La la, pick up herbal medicine, la la save the game, la la capture a hidden ghost. So Zacky, what's the significance of those symbols?"
Zack: "For the twentieth time, I'm Gongagan, not Japanese!"
Me: "You speak Japanese when you think I'm not listening."
Cloud: "This game is scary."
Sephy: "Don't worry, Cloud. She's approaching the first fight, which means it will be over soon."
Me: "Hey! It just so happens that this time, I'm gonna - " *scream, drop controller, run out of room*

Yes. So...guess who beat Fatal Frame yesterday? Oh yeah. :) That last battle was hell the first 5 times, then I got all determined and breezed right through it. Rosso the Crimson all over again, but less annoying. Logically, I should now move on to Siren, which is the other game I own and can't get two seconds into, but maybe I'll hold off a bit. *nervous laugh*

In other news, I'm helping to spread news of the White Knot Campaign. The pastor at my church (a lesbian and just the awsomest woman) asked me about my white knot and loved what I told her, so I made enough for the whole congregation and brought them in. Apparently, I'm an angel! I prefer that to "penguin-$&%*er" and everything else Zack likes to call me in Japanese.

In fiction news, up to chapter 12 in the new Zangeal story. I'm kinda "hmm" about it right now. It's exactly the sort of thing my readers will have come to expect from me, so if that's what you're into, woo-hoo, but lately I've once again been vexed by my inability to write anything but alternating bouts of cuddling and angst. Cuddling and angst. Cuddling and angst. Joke at Genesis's expense, cuddling and angst. Sometimes I feel like I'm writing the same story over and over again. I can't seem to help it. Angst and cuddling is what works for me. That's what I can do. *shrug*

Finally, apropos of nothing, the gods of fandom have heard my prayers to understand what the hell is going on in Mirage of Blaze and sent me a very interesting, English-subbed historical-drama show on a local TV station. It airs every Saturday, right after this odd sitcom about quintuplets I've taken to watching to maximize my exposure to natives speaking Japanese, and includes many of the historical characters and situations right out of the anime. Alas, no exorcisms yet, and none of the Naoes that have turned up seem to be the right one, but I'm hopeful. Fun factoid - apparently, in sixteenth century Japan, everyone's name started with 'K', for optimum confusion. Until I learn the names, I've taken to calling one of the more stoic characters "pseudo-Angeal", mostly because I caught him briefly spanking his bouncy young friend. I kid you not.

Anyway, I'm hoping to learn a thing or two. In fact, I already have! For one thing, that famous Kenshin guy had some crazy hair. And for another, everyone loves Kagetora. (Note to self: good name for a sitcom.)

Amarissia out.

Zack: *grumbling* "Of her mind."

I heard that.

Comments

[ladygunblade.livejournal.com]

Anxiety sucks big time. Congratulations on finishing the game, though :D

dsudhsihnxd WHY IS YOUR CHOIR!CLOUD SO CUTE? Dammit. *sneakily ruffles his hair while the Pants and the Puppy aren't looking* :3

I wore a white knot this Thursday! I live nowhere near California, and it wasn't an official white knot, but hey, it's the thought that counts, right? I got weird looks though. But eh, nothing worse than usual xD

Naww, but cuddling and angst is so good! And you're very good at writing it, too. I understand if it gets frustrating, though.

I wish we had TV channels like that. We get like zero asian shows, and the only anime we ever get here is horribly Dutch dubbed stuff on children's channels. Like PokéMon and Yu-Gi-Oh. I heard they were planning to dub Naruto as well *shivers*. As if Tokyo Mew Mew wasn't enough.

Anyway, I really should focus on my schoolwork now. Have a nice day (or night, depending what time it is there, but seeing as it's 7PM here it should be around past noon there, right?) all of you, and try not to blow anything up, Choir.

p.s.: Yay for pseudo-Angeal!

[amarissia.livejournal.com]

Pants and Puppy don't mind fangirls petting Cloud, as long as they keep it brief and don't try to snatch him away. Cloudy likes the attention.

Cloud: *smiles, waves, offers chocobo plushie*

See? Way to go for wearing a white knot, btw. :)

The channel in question is only really helpful on Saturday night, for a couple hours. The rest of the time it's all Chinese, which does not help my Japanese, and gives me a headache anyway. And stupid Cartoon Network, only plays dubbed stuff...it's a hard world to be a fangirl in. *dramatic sigh*

[ardwynna-m.livejournal.com]

Congrats on dishing out the butt-whooping!
Mirage of Blaze can confuse anyone. At the risk of sounding like an ign'ant redneck, they all look alike.:/ See, this is why anime needs a certain amount of unrealism. It's too stylized for facial differences to matter much generally and I can't tell jack when there's no flashy outfits or spikey and/or colored hair for differentiation!

I used to worry a lot about working myself into a fandom rut too. I've seen lots of people do it, write the same kind of fic over and over and over. Sometimes a writer can keep it fresh and build a solid rep for scratching a particular kind of fanfic itch. Sometimes they go in repetitive and increasingly boring circles. No sign of that from you. ;D What I used to do was purposely go write a short piece that was worlds away from whatever main project I was doing at the moment. Fluff in the midst of an angst heap and the like. Or I would take an old super-cliched plot and try to give it a new twist. It wouldn't necessarily be the greatest fic but it was good for exploring options. I actually haven't done it in a couple years, which might explain the unending bout of short yaoi crackfics. :/

*pets the Zacky and gives him a cookie*

[amarissia.livejournal.com]

:) Thank you!

I can tell the characters apart in MoB okay, I just have such a problem remembering their backstories, and who's allied to who, and wait a second, is Kenshin good or bad? That sort of thing. But I watch it to work on my samuraiphobia...and not at all because I love Naoe/Takaya. Really. *snicker*

Hmm, maybe I need to do something completely random, especially since I haven't posted a short on LJ in FOREVER. The only thing I have in mind right now is, uh...naughty. Like, in a way that cracks me up, but might be a bit much for anyone else.

Angeal: "Not...that, right? Please don't, he's upset enough."
Zack: *takes cookie, munches it while curling up next to Angeal*

[ldyavalon.livejournal.com]

On MoB I looked at the pretties, said I like and promptly moved on to other things. Such as Kuroshitsuji, which right now has my undivided attention. And Sebastien is slowly luring me away from Seph's altar.

*Offers kitten shaped cookies to the Choir*

[j-plash.livejournal.com]

Kuroshitsuji is *amazing*. Oh the love. Oh the BL goodness XD *dies* Much love. Sebastian is magical :D

[amarissia.livejournal.com]

Tell me about this Kuroshitsuji. This Sebastien must be impressive if he's luring you away from Sephy, you blasphemer.

Cloud: "Ooh!" *munches cookie* "Yummy! Thank you! Look Silverstream, the cookies look like you!"
Silverstream: *bats at them*

[dyng-rose.livejournal.com]

There is nothing wrong with cuddly angst!!!!!!!!! Even if the story ends up being similar to Madness in that way, it will still be awesome, and if it ends up being something we wouldn't expect from you, it will still be awesome. Your writing talents amaze me, really.

Good job on completing Fatal Frame!! It still scares me, so all the more kudos to you.

Your church sounds cool, from what little you said, and I don't say that about churches often. I've only been to one that wasn't outright judgmental and all that.

Luck you on the channel, too. All we get here are Spanish shows, which are cool, but not good for learning French (like me) or Japanese, like a few of my friends. Enjoy it, hehe.

[amarissia.livejournal.com]

:) Thank you.

That avatar still cracks me up every time I see it, btw.

[j-plash.livejournal.com]

Long live the white knot! Or...well, short live the white knot :P You get the idea :P No one knows about it over here. People ask me what it means every day though XD It's a really effective campaign tool. You win at life for getting your whole congregation wearing them :D They're easy to make, everyone! Make one! Wear it!

"For the twentieth time, I'm Gongagan, not Japanese!" Laughing my ass off :P

[j-plash.livejournal.com]

Oh, and big hugs for beating the game XD Nicely done, bb :)

[mistress-259.livejournal.com]

Thanks for mentioning the white knot. I knew nothing about it, and I live in the Bay Area! Gotta go find something to make a white knot with now.

Oh, and I HATE Rosso!!! I got stuck there back when I was playing it and then never made it back to the game, but damnit, I gotta go back and beat the crap out of her some day... Especially since she never SHUTS UP!

[amarissia.livejournal.com]

Agh, worst battle of DoC, definitely. If you go back and try to beat her again, just keep moving and make frequent trips to that jukebox store thingy. I probably died fifteen times before I got through that fight...it was the day I saw my first Crisis Core trailer, and I guess it inspired me. :)

[lolochan.livejournal.com]

That's awesome! Go you! There's some games/movies I refuse to even BUY because they look scary/nerve wracking. I've never heard of Fatal Frame before, but if it's anything like some parts of Fatal Hearts, it's probably best for me not to play it...

I'm working on finishing video games right now. I need to finish Final Fantasy IV one of these days (I'm putting it off because I'm at the final boss, and I don't want the game to be over yet. T.T)

Awesome on the White Knot Campaign! That's so cool! I'll have to see if I can get some of those for our upcoming Pride conference. That would be a cool gift for all the students who attend!

[amarissia.livejournal.com]

I've never heard of Fatal Hearts. Is it a horror game? I love horror games, even when I'm too scared to play them.

Pride conference? Awesome! The knots are really easy to make, if you want to. All you need is white ribbon and little safety pins.

[karadin.livejournal.com]

What is the drama? It is one of the NHK ones they produce every year?

[amarissia.livejournal.com]

NHK?

I don't know. I'm pretty sure it's called "Tenchijin".

[mateem.livejournal.com]

Hehehehe...my crew and I are all taking turns trying to beat Fatal Frame II, Silent Hill IV, V, and Siren. One plays, and we all scream and wail like little girls until we can't take it anymore and shut it off.

[amarissia.livejournal.com]

*wibble* I'd love to try Fatal Frame II, but I've watched a walkthrough of it and it's SCARY! And agh, Silent Hill IV, that was an exercise in stess management. How far have you gotten?

Let me know if you figure out a way to play Siren without inducing heart attack. I can't even make it through that first mission and that cop scares the crap out of me...

[robonun.livejournal.com]

I've never played any of the screamer video games like Fatal Frame or Resident Evil--I don't really care for horror as a genre and I'm not all that good at FPS-style games. My current game is Okami on the Wii. Even though I'm weak at fighting, the art style is so pretty that it draws me in.

Oh, Zack. "Penguin-@*#&er"? Please tell me that isn't a real curse in Japanese. I'll lose all respect for the language otherwise. Let me loan you my guide to swearing in German, French, Spanish, Italian and Turkish. It'll broaden your mind. :D

[amarissia.livejournal.com]

LOL, I'd have a complete breakdown if I tried to play Wii. That thing gives you too much control, and I already get way too into games and lose myself in the characters. :)

Cloudy told me it means "someone who does a naughty thing with penguins", at least, Zack always says it so softly for me to hear properly. I don't think it's a real Japanese curse, though it might be popular in Gongaga. FFVII had penguins, right? I seem to remember penguin-looking little bastards who, like, exploded on you or something...

[amber-lovechild.livejournal.com]

My anxiety has been that bad at times. I'm currently working on fighting it along with other stuff back into a manageable blob...part of the reason I have abandoned a lot of Internet stuff...

but on a not about me subject, yay for finishing a game! (it's always a nice accomplishment, no matter which game it is ^-^)

You're actually really lucky to live in a place with a church like that (I'm still looking), and it's wonderful that you're spreading something like that. Did you make the knots on your own or order the kit from the site?

Cuddling, angst, and jokes and Genesis' expense are never a bad thing, and I look forward to seeing your new story! :D

[amarissia.livejournal.com]

A fellow anxiety-fighter! *hugs* I didn't know you had that same problem.

Thank you. :) I am lucky, the church is right next door to me, so I have the shortest commute of anyone. Hee. And I made the knots myself. Pretty easy, even for a clumsy lefty like me.

You hear that, Gen? You shall continue to be my comic relief.

Genesis: *tosses hair* "Fine, fine. As long I get plenty of Bottom!Seph."

Deal.

[duomonkey.livejournal.com]

Yup, nothing wrong with cuddling, especially when it's Zack. He's like Charmin, squeezably soft. And I absolutely adores angst, it's what gives a story content instead of making it straight up smut. If you're really feeling like you're stuck in a rut look up elements of stories, that might give you ideas. I dunno. ^^;; Trying to be helpful. *tailwags* So when and where will this Zangeal fic be up? I shall reward you with Zangeal cosplay pics after Anime Expo. >.> <., Right now it's sorta Sephiroth and Angeal since I went ahead and cosplay Seph first. Cause despite being quiet.... He's a demanding lil shit.

[amarissia.livejournal.com]

:) Thank you, I'll keep that in mind. And now I have more incentive to write, if I know I'm getting Zangeal cosplay pics. YUM.

[bloodparade.livejournal.com]

All I have to say is I watched a little of Mirage of Blaze and I totally lost my mind.
It's gone. Never to return.
*squeee* You know about the white knot campaign? I have one of my backpack at all times.
LOL! That's like me when I play scary games. 20 minutes into BioShock (NEVER. AGAIN.) I screamed and threw the controller at my friends head.
So I am no longer ALLOWED to play scary video games.
Which is fine, because all I wanna do is play FF VII and KH anyways :D:D
*Pets Cloud and feeds him candy*

[amarissia.livejournal.com]

It's good stuff, though, even if it costs you your mind.

Yike, be careful with those controllers. I only throw things at Genesis. Accidentally, of course. :)

Cloud: "Oooh, candy! Thank you!"