Dramatics, A Chase Scene, And Here You Can Have It Just Don't Kill Me

[amarissia]

Do excuse the recent dramatics, dears. And if I should up and disappear yet again, please forgive that too. Things are inwardly tumultuous right now, as I've reached a time in which I need to decide what direction my life will be taking, at least for the time being. Until now, it's been difficult, a cornucopia of anxiety/depressive disorders coupled with an autism spectrum disorder will do that, but now I'm facing real change. The kind that could be good eventually, could lead maybe to the kind of life I wanted as a child, before I lost my ability to interact with people in any other way but this.

But change always hurts. Nothing is born without pain. If I thought I was ever stressed before, the pure uncertainty all around me now is...let's just say it's a miracle I haven't taken to hiding in the laundry room. I do a good Boo Radley, but that time is past. I want to break free of the cycle that's held me since I was a little girl and actually do what's best for me, even if I have to do it alone. Again, it's just hard. I don't want to just stay like this. But at the same time, it's always tempting to stay still, where all is familiar, at least. Possibility calls to me from ahead, ghosts pull at me from behind. Is this a good enough excuse for floundering and being such an erratic writer/updater lately? :)

I really don't know what's going to happen. I hope it won't end up including any more time away from you guys. Just typing this, I can feel my stomach start to untie the knot that's been in it for far too long, and after the nice long break I gave them, the Choir is around me again, and they actually seem rather happy to be so. Well, Zack is complaining that I put Loveless on for them again, and Angeal is pretending to agree when he's not even looking at the screen. Sephy is cuddling his favorite living Chocobo plushie, content but thoughtful as he analyzes everything, and Cloud is waving his fingers and pretending to catch imaginary butterflies. Genesis is...ruining the moment. And another pair of pants. Gaia, you'd think he'd at least take off the expensive leather first. If time away from me has made the rest of the Choir more mellow, it's made Genesis even more difficult than before. A short while ago, I summoned my scattered Choir with their homing devices and found Genesis prancing around with something that Zack was, in tantrum-mode, trying to take from him. After a chase that probably looked like some sort of demented ballet, I retrieved the offending object and found that it was the work of my dear Pixeled, a lovely bit of yum she made back in the 'Madness' days:

Lovely, no? Apparently Genesis made copies.

Genesis: "And gave them to my fan club."

And gave them to his - what?

Zack: *whines*
Angeal: *pets*
Amarissia: *has finally updated*

EDIT: Thank you, dears.