Things You Should Not Do

[amarissia]

Do not even contemplate self-publishing, even if doing so would stop literary agents fleeing in horror from the terrifying length of your beastly manuscript.

Do not quote things you require permission for.

Do not research copyright law.

In fact, don't do anything. Everyone stand very very still, and Genesis will bring us some ice for our heads.

Genesis: "I don't recall agreeing to - "

*GLARE*

Genesis: *grumble* "Fine, fine..."

Make it festively-shaped ice, for we are celebrating. My dear Guru, who dragged me into anime and convinced me that KH isn't just for kiddies, is having a baby and OMG it has features and a cute widdle face! The Choir is wildly excited, although Sephy seems to regard the whole thing as a fascinating science experiment and Genesis has been sulking about the reduced amount of attention he'll be getting once the dear little thing arrives.

If you'll excuse me, the ice has arrived, and we have to go distract ourselves before my estrogen levels get out of control and Angeal starts giving Zack that mpreg-can-be-fun look again.

Zack: "Seriously, Angeal, that's so not funny."

(It is funny.)

Comments

[kel-fish.livejournal.com]

...Poor Zack. And, like, Genesis isn't going to pull a Wednesday, is he? Seriously, give him Fate.

And YAY! BEHBEH!

Frankly, I'll probably never put any of my o!fic up for publication because... I recoil from people I have to talk to. I expend enough energy hanging out with people I want to talk to. Oh well, maybe if I ever come up with a good pen name... Best of luck to your monsterscript. What is it about cowering from length anyway? And I'm so not making size queen jokes in my head right now.

[dyng-rose.livejournal.com]

Sorry you're having so much trouble getting published. Good luck, though! What's wrong with researching copyright laws?

Awww, poor Zack. You all are so cruel to him :)

[freyathedark.livejournal.com]

... did someone mention mpreg? *perks up* I mean... Congrats to your friend ^^

Hmm, if you're looking to publish and you're under 25, there's a publishing company called Bombadil Publishing that is -amazing-, they've put out some great stuff and it seems pretty easy to get published ^^ I wish you luck!

[amarissia.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm looking at lulu.com, since a friend I trust used it and they seem to allow a writer lots of control. *grin* Amarissia likes control.

Zack: "Don't mention mpreg. Angeal's really freaking me out."
Angeal: *faraway smile*
Zack: "See?"

Heh heh, Bombadil. Crazy bastard.

[amarissia.livejournal.com]

It hurts us. Well, not as much as trying to track down publishing info on poems that were published a century ago and no one will tell me who the bloody copyright holder is. GAH. I think the worst is over, though.

We love him, though. :)

[freyathedark.livejournal.com]

Oohh, I'll have to look at them too, then...

*evil grin* Just imagine... little baby Zack's, running around and looking oh-so-cute, with Zack's eyes and Angeal's jaw...

Man, I loved him. I reeeeeeally wish they would have stuck him into the movies, somehow, even if it was just for the Extended Editions...

[amarissia.livejournal.com]

Suuure you're not. :) I think a) literary agents don't want to waste time with something bigger than most people's attention span can handle and b) they don't want to invest the time it would take to read such a big manuscript. I had more than one agent say my idea sounds interesting, but they won't have the time to read something that size until they're retired. :) For the record, the average novel is 80,000 to 100,000 words - mine is 230,000.

The only reason I'd allow my book to be published is that it would be read by people I'll never meet. I haven't let any family members read it and I don't much want to...I can't even be near someone while they're reading ANYTHING I wrote. :)

[amarissia.livejournal.com]

Angeal: *grin*
Zack: "I'm gonna go...over there now."

In the early days of production, I heard they wanted Robin Williams for Tom Bombadil. But sadly, I don't think he would have worked well on screen, not with all that dramatic tension...

[freyathedark.livejournal.com]

Quick, Angeal! Corner him and make beautiful babies with him!

Really? Wow. That... kinda just killed my brain a little. Yeah, he doesn't lend himself well to drama, and I think too many people wouldn't take his role seriously (though with Bombadil, it's -still- hard).

[kel-fish.livejournal.com]

Geh. There is one person who I can tolerate reading my fic while I'm nearby, and that is Michelle. Anyone else, even Casey, and I'm like, "Uh, yeah, is that a hurmleschmurgeldorfelbye!" and diseapper for awhile. I make up words a lot, btw. Casey calls me the Swedish Chef.

230,000? Geh. I sympathize with the editors, but seriously. Most people these days can't handle reading more than a novella, and it is very sad. To me, anyway. I've got pen names in mind that only my friends would pick up on, and as for my family, well... considering that the things I enjoy writing about are things that would make their eyes fall out of their heads or burst into flame (or both), they won't have to know why I'd suddenly be making money here and there. Well, hopefully anyway.

Did I tell you about last weekend when Kevin called his friend a size queen? His friend texts back with, "Fuck, I hate size queens. But I love their boyfriends." Kevin choked up Mountain Dew on my "Mount and Do Me" tee shirt. WHY CAN'T I BE HOME NOW?! Oh, right. Money.

[robonun.livejournal.com]

Ooh! Ooh! Captain Librarian to the rescue!

*dons cape and mask*

I found a nifty online tool to help you out with copyright issues at http://www.librarycopyright.net/digitalslider/. Scary looking, I know, but I gather that if you're looking at stuff published over a century ago it's most likely public domain. And your quotations (depending on context) may fall under fair use guidelines.

You really really really should read Colleen Doran's site, http://adistantsoil.com/. Her comic, A Distant Soil, is neat on its own but I'm pointing you at her blog. She has a ton of good information about dealing with publishers and some hair-raising tales about dealing with Very Bad Publishers (her tag not mine). She's forgotten more about getting published than most people will ever know.

*removes disguise*

Ow. Protip: When using spirit glue to attach a mask, avoid the eyebrow area.

[karadin.livejournal.com]

Break the book into three parts, trilogies are common these days, and bring in more revenue down the line, in fact, you might have better luck with a trilogy sale than one novel, because publishers are looking for 'franchises'

You may quote something, it has to be not over a certain length, check for rules on this, but authors do it (legally) all the time.

[chalkbutterfly.livejournal.com]

Well, no advice I can give regarding publishers, but hang on in there! We're all rooting for ya!
Don't worry about the length- just because a 10-second ad exceeds the average atention span by nine seconds, that doesn't mean your novel won't be as amazingly-epically-fantastically-completely popular as anything you write deserves to be! Just keep your chin up!
Go Angeal! Mpreg, mpreg! *cheers, sets up front row seat with popcorn and binoculars*
Wow. I just noticed that I ended all those sentences with full stops. 0.o

[thefrogg.livejournal.com]

230,000 words?*perks up*

Gimme! Gimme gimme gimme, I wanna read!

*sulks*

[amarissia.livejournal.com]

Once I sort the monstrous thing out, believe me, I will be letting you all know! :)

[amarissia.livejournal.com]

*grin* Thank you! Encouragement makes all the work a much happier chore.

Zack: "ACK! Don't encourage him!"
Angeal: *laughs* "Even if such a thing were medically possible - "
Genesis: "Which it might be, what with the lunatic scientists of our acquaintance."
Angeal: " - it would have to wait until Zack recovers his memories and accepts that he and I are not as platonic as he currently believes. And of course..." *sigh* "He's very young for such a responsibility."
Zack: "I am not! I mean...dude, what am I saying?"
Angeal: "And I certainly wouldn't let anyone watch."

*pout*

[amarissia.livejournal.com]

Hmm, yeah. I keep asking supposed experts about the rules of quoting (fair use and all), and they all keep sending me to the same articles which tell me that there is no definitive rule about how much you can quote. I may end up taking hostages if I don't find more answers soon...

I did break it up at one point, into three parts, but the thing is that very little happens in the first third. It's mostly introduction. One of the reasons I want to self-publish is so I can keep it all together. :)

[amarissia.livejournal.com]

My favorite superhero! (I would live in libraries if they didn't close, and if I didn't get weird looks for hugging books.)

YAYZ, those links look helpful, thank you! *relieved hugs*

[amarissia.livejournal.com]

I'll probably use a pen name...but me too, my family would so get it. Eh, I guess I'd let them read the book...while I'm elsewhere, wearing earplugs.

LOL LOL LOL I love your friends.

[amarissia.livejournal.com]

Angeal: *pets Zack* "Aw, I couldn't do that to him."
Zack: "Damn right." *pout*

I like Robin Williams's dramatic stuff, but yeah, him as Bombadil would have been way too distracting, and he has that problem with shutting up... :)

[monalovely.livejournal.com]

MPREG YAYZ (stifles voice) COUGH I-I mean.... (glances at own notebook, HIDES it under pillow) Whaaaat, I didn't say ANNNNYYTHING about mpreg......NOTHING AT ALL......*lip bite*

Oy, I know the feel. Publishing is harrrd. And I point blank REFUSE to let any family members or friends read my stuff....minus people on here. I have serious trust issues, and self doubt, and especially when it comes to writing smut. Hence the complete alter-ego on here...well, all I've really done is change my name, I put in too much of my RL in here, BOTHER.

Regardless of the difficulty, you've got talent I would die for. I know for a fact that any publisher is unbelievably ridiculously lucky to be reading your work. :D *cough*SIGNEDCOPY*cough hack*...one day? *puppy eyes (attempt)* ZACK SHOW ME HOW TO DO PUPPY EYES!!!!

[amarissia.livejournal.com]

Mpreg? *grins, dives for notebook* GIMME! (Angeal is trying very hard not to look interested.)

Ooh, I'd be so embarrassed if anyone I know in RL ever read any of my smut, omigod. I'd die of embarrassment.

:) I'd love to sign one for you. I should figure out a way to do that, in case anyone else wants a signed copy. Gaia, how would I explain that one to family members?

"Who are you signing all these books to?"
"Uh...people."
"Who's Amarissia?"
"My...imaginary...friend?"
"Why are there drawings of naked people inside the cover?"
"That was Genesis."
"Who?"
"Er, nothing. You've seen nothing!"

Now I'm prepared.

Zack: "First, look really hopeful! Then slowly frown, make sure your chin trembles a little, then blink like you're about to cry. A sniffle or two helps. Angeal has no defense against that."
Angeal: "Only for you, Puppy." *smiles*

:) Thank you.

[chalkbutterfly.livejournal.com]

Well, I wasn't sure what to say, so I reckoned "sing her praises! Can't go wrong with praise!"
Oh, Angeal. You say that, but yaoi fangirls have their ways. We see everything! *evil laugh, coughs, chokes* Right. Not trying that again. Maybe I could do an evil snicker...